Money Money Money

I spent this morning working from home, and taking care of some financial stuff that was on my plate. I miraculously got up early(ish) and really knocked some things out.

My finances have always been a huge source of emotion for me. For years I had rolling, full blown panic attacks.

I've been financially independent since I was 17, when I made the decision to go to an incredibly expensive college. I had a minuscule scholarship but the rest of tuition and living costs was supplemented by loans, and working 30ish hours a week at Starbucks.

Hand to god, I don't look back at this time with regret, for two reasons:
1) It was generally amazing.
2) There's no point, because I can't change it now.

But, the reality was that I graduated with almost 100K dollars in student loan debt. I choose to be open with this fact because it's WAY more common than you'd think for 20 somethings to have their lives totally changed because of a decision they made when they were 18 and I try to own it.

But- it has had a huge impact on how the last 8 years of my life have gone.

After graduating, and after the world's shortest six month grace period, my payments started and my sleep stopped. My heart would race, worried about and embarrassed by the phone calls that would come if I missed a payment. I would refrain from going out with people because I would spend the whole time distracted, in panic mode. I was working 2, 3, 4 jobs then. I relied on living opportunities where I could bypass a lease application, and literally any job someone would throw my way. I was a nanny, a security guard at a museum, a sales associate at a particularly bland clothing store that rhymes with Man Bailor Coughed, and a *seemingly* Forever Sound Intern.

This morning I found myself submitting claims for my FSA, reviewing my savings account (which is meager at best) and checking my credit score.
But I do feel like I'm starting to get ahead of things.

Be patient with yourself, loves. This shit is hard and we're doing our best.