Those Crazy Kids

Guys. Kim and Pete. I’m so bummed, I really thought those two were gonna make it despite both of them individually being known for cycling through partners notably more than the average celeb.

So there are like five dog/human combos that I see on a super regular basis walking our dogs in the morning and I haven’t introduced myself to any of them. I always leave the apartment all cocky, like “today is the day for some neighborhood networking’” Then you see them come around the corner and you’re like “you know what everyone deserves total privacy while waling their dogs in the morning.” Hear me out. We’re all at our worst during the morning walk- it’s a lot of sweatpants for me, joggers if I’m feeling fancy. My hair is always standing straight up from my scalp in a valiant battle against gravity. There’s about a 50% chance that I’m wearing a bra. It would make sense that there’s an unspoken agreement that we are not to acknowledge each other’s rock bottom state.

But I just signed the lease for another year of this place so maybe it’s time I get to know them? I guess? The ladies I’m less concerned about they are adorable and they give me real smiles when we pass by but I’m always stressed out trying to make friends with a guy because I worry that he’s gonna think I’m hitting on him and that’s always a whole mess.

I’m almost definitely overthinking this. But I’m also trying to go out more, put myself in the occasional uncomfortable position for the sake of growth. Or something. My therapist gave me homework, to “look into networking events and speed dating” and like the obedient little student that I did. I mean I got as far as looking into it. And every option Google presented to me looked worse than the last. I actually looked to see if there were events for Berklee Alumi, then quickly came to my senses, remembering all of the guys I dated in college… I just couldn’t see myself marrying a slightly older version of any of them.

I’m just sort of hanging in the balance, doing all the things but with zero energy behind it. Swiping’s not fun anymore right? The mechanic itself is still sorta fun but then it’s just a sea of faces and cars and tigers.