How Many Fucks Do I Have To Give

Sometimes I wonder how many fucks I actually have to give. I would imagine there's not a magical number of fucks, but I find myself saying things like "I couldn't give any fewer fucks" in, I don't know, like, a super important work meeting, and that implies that we have a set amount of fucks that we can parcel out over a day.

I would say that I give fewer fucks than most but I will never reach the level, say, of someone on the subway bringing a portable speaker with them and treating us all to their taste in music. That is an epic level of freedom from societal norms.

Do you think those people used up a ton of fucks or just didn't have that many to begin with?

I do give a very sincere, general fuck about my family and friends but if you break it down into sub-fucks, it starts getting complicated. Like, for example:

-My mother's happiness: fucks given, absolutely.
-When my mom does that thing where she starts a phone call with "It's so great about Brian" and I think "Who is Brian and what is great and OF COURSE I don't know what you're talking about when I'm given no context": Nope. It's over. You might as well just continue on as if you never mentioned Brian. The fucks, only moments before prepped and ready to go, have disappeared into thin air. Brian is dead to me, and I don't care about his engagement/successful face transplant/Hamilton tickets.

Anyway in conclusion I'm pretty sure I earn extra fucks if you guys sign up for Blue Apron with my referral code so DM me.