I'll Take Therapist For $100 Alex

I’ve decided that I’m going to try bringing an agenda to my therapy session every week. There are multiple reasons, and they are:

• I want her to like me too much so I find myself self editing. I also won’t let myself cry when I obviously need to in front of her but that’s a separate, if closely related, issue.

• I cycle through about three topics and I keep them at a high level for as long as possible which is very much not the point of therapy

• When you’re reading off a piece of paper you don’t have to make eye contact with anyone

A relationship with a therapist is a weird one. If you think too hard about the whole concept of a therapist it starts sounding totally insane. You pay a person who is unrelated to you to listen to your bullshit and tell you who’s fault it is. For what it’s worth, it’s usually mine. I made sure to get a therapist who would be honest with me. Like if we’re gonna do this, let’s do it.

I had a friend a while back and all he wanted was a dog, and he brought it up literally every single time we hung out and one day out of the blue I suddenly had had enough so I was met with a choice- completely lose it, yelling at him to just get a goddamn dog because you’re 34 and you have a steady income and you don’t need your mom’s permission, or don’t get one but then stop talking about it OR I could just sorta stop hanging out with him. So that was the end of that.

Have the hard conversations. Get the dog. Or shut up about it.

*mic drop*